Blame
Your Parents
Have
you ever found yourself trotting out the ultimate excuse for your
failure, irritability, anger or any other negative behaviour?
"It's my parents fault. It's the way I was brought up. My
parents made me what I am."
Let's
be honest ... who remembers their parents as gods? No, what we
see are restrictions and rules that don't make sense ... with
a bit of "do as I say, not as I do" thrown in. So a
lot of kids develop resentment for their parents.
As
a kid, you probably misinterpreted what your parents said and
did. You saw it through the "me" filters of limited
life experience.
If
you are now a parent, you know that you sacrifice scads of time
and money on your kids ... and I don't mean "spoiling the
child" money ... food, education, furniture for up to 20
years ... that is a massive commitment and sacrifice. Why do parents
do it? I believe it is the unconditional love born into us. But
kids don't see it that way. As we grow from "deprived"
child into adulthood, resentment often turns into anger and rejection
aimed at our parents.
Most
of the time, we don't even stop to think about how our relationship
to our parents has formed our behaviour patterns.
Years
ago in Hollywood, I worked with a very talented actress who should
have had tv series after tv series. But she could never achieve
success because I found she had a deep pattern of behaviour ...
she unconsciously didn't want to give her mother the satisfaction
of her daughter becoming famous. Yes, she actually unconsciously
sabotaged auditions so she wouldn't be successful. But her surface
mind wanted success so badly. That's really being stuck in the
past ... taking the poison pill and expecting the other person
to die.
Hang
on a minute ... isn't our New Thought philosophy that we make
our own choices day by day, minute by minute? Change your thinking
and change your life by creating the patterns you want in your
life. So why are you living in the past?
Stop
looking in the rear vision mirror at what was and look at the
future ahead of you.
Unless
you were brought up with sadistic, mentally unstable parents (they
do exist), chances are you need to re-evaluate and forgive your
parents and accept them as they are. As an adult, you can probably
now understand many of the reasons behind the decisions they made
while raising you, even if you disagreed with the outcome.
Your
parents are your foundation ... explore their lifetime of experiences
in a non-judgemental way. Your open mind may lead you to learning
something. Life is too short to intentionally fill your heart
with resentment.
Live
for Today. And when you're standing at their funeral, don't have
regrets that you didn't connect on their level, their understanding,
their experience and their history. Anne
Frank wrote "Parents can only give good advice or put them
on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands."
You can't blame THEM ... they created you ... they nurtured you
with the best competence they had. YOU make YOU who you are today.
Self-Reflection
Questions:
1.
Do you hold resentment towards your parents for a less than picture-perfect
childhood?
2.
How can you step beyond your comfort zone and invite your parents
to become more involved in your life?
3.
Have you recently expressed appreciation to your parents and told
them how much you love them?
